This Morning.

This morning, I was awakened by the sounds of a power struggle.

This morning, I was disturbed by what I heard.

This morning, the household was upended by a selfish little girl with no appreciation for the ones who take care of her...

... she does not care about anything unless it is her NOT getting her way.

... she does not care about herself unless it coincides with her getting what SHE wants.

... she does not care about what she has unless the opportunity arises that she can get more...

... and then she only cares about the MORE.

This morning, I heard a little girl fighting for superiority...

... and winning.

This morning, I've decided I refuse to place second to a little girl who is 20 years my junior.

... I will not give in.

... I will stand my ground.

... she does not care about the things expected of her...

... so she will no longer receive the privileges she "expects" from me.

This morning, yet another child has earned a trip through the Clue-by-Four Gauntlet.

This morning, I can do something about it.

Empath

Sometimes I feel like I'm an empath. I'll get close to someone and I start to feel their pain. Then when I inevitably fuck everything up and hurt them, I feel their sorrow and it destroys me inside. I hurt worse than they do.

I don't want anything to do with getting close to anyone, anymore. :(

Numb

You ever feel like nothing you do, or have ever done, or ever will do, will be good enough? What is your body's reaction?

I shut down. Any and all motivation I may have had disappears. Real smiles become fake. Real laughter feels forced. Thoughts turn to failure and all I want to do is lose myself in the wilderness so that I can't hurt anyone. But since the motivation is gone, I end up not doing anything.

I feel numb.

Crossroads

At this point in my life, by society's standards, I'm supposed to be dating someone now, getting ready to settle down and make a family.

I can't. The virile male side of me is looking for someone to paint their insides white, but the emotional side of me wants to withdraw and disappear. I have commitment issues, and issues with conformism, and at 28 I still haven't found my self or my path.

I have no goals. I have no ambition, no motivation. My most noticeable driving forces are fear and sadness. There is something wrong with my head, something far worse than just depression and anxiety, and I don't know where to begin in getting checked out.

Not Okay

I don't know what you saw in me. What any of you saw in me.

I'm Tired Of...

... seeing the world worship monetary gain...

... being treated like I'm a possession instead of a person...

... being put into a higher spending/risk bracket because I don't have money...

... "make money" being the goal of life we teach our children...

... seeing people turned into creativity-lacking husks...

... watching the world crumble, while the people who really care about it are persecuted...

... watching the world crumble, while the people who say they care either do nothing or make it worse...

My Dad Sent Me a Present

Apparently my dad wrote a book. I was sent a free copy of it; it's published and everything. Hopefully it gets better the further in I get, because right now it's rather ridiculous.

But, it gives me hope that I, too, will one day be a published author.

I Don't Go to Church

I don't go to church.

Bands

We As Human
Vertical Church Band
Royal Tailor
Andy Mineo
Third Day
Jamie Grace
Skillet