That's It

Just after midnight, I got the last message/contact I think I'll ever have from Amanda. Upon order from the guy she's seeing, she is forbidden to have any contact with me whatsoever. And I will comply with those wishes, because her happiness is paramount; far above my own.

It hurts, but I can't feel it. I have many months ahead of me to work on faking smiles and distracting laughs while I wait for the numbness to subside. I still have people (family, friends) to love, to keep me going, but that number seems to be dwindling fast, and the second those people are gone...

I finally had the opportunity to tell her mother how much of a dumb bitch she is, though.

Break

I don't want to settle down.

I don't want kids of my own.

I don't need to be left alone, but...

I need to be left alone.


I don't need to break your heart.

Dog Therapy

Amanda and I finally had our talk. She's finally seen everything I had to deal with when we were together. And she apologized for it all.

Now comes the difficult part: being with someone so different from her.

I think that's a big part of why I'm unhappy. Natalie's nice, but she's not Amanda. And I didn't wait long enough before I started dating again... I still love her. I still love Amanda.

I've spent a good amount of time around her the past couple of days, and around the dogs, and I feel... relieved. Like a ton of stress and worry and unease has been lifted from my shoulders.

And I don't know what to do.