I don't make resolutions every year. I don't make them because, contrary to what you might read in this journal, by the time the new year gets here, I'm content with what's going on in my life.
This year is different. I'm not content, and I have the will to change a couple things, so I'm going to. And here's what they are (this list will be updated as I add more to it):
1) After I finish my absinthe, I will not drink any more alcohol except for soju and mead (which I don't yet have).
2) I will drop enough weight to get myself to 175lbs, and I will either keep it off, or gain it back in pure muscle.
3) I will not spend the majority of 2012 alone.
4) I will gain back the patience I have lost in dealing with children under 13.
5) Attend my first convention. Preferably a furry convention, but an anime convention would be fine too.
6) I will find a better way of dealing with my anger. Something better than just keeping it bottled up until I have to restrain myself from strangling little children.
7)
8)
9)
10)
I have 5 resolutions so far. I hope to have a few more before the new year hits.
30 December 2011
05 December 2011
This Is That Other Post
The one I wrote the first time while stoned off my ass that I referred to in my last journal? Here you go, for those of you that don't know what I'm talking about.
---
I was a bit under the influence last night, and I was thinking; Just why is it that I consider myself to be a no good, worthless, listless pile of shit? Then I realize, it's because of a series of complex thoughts, morals, and processes working against me. For instance, I don't really want kids. At least, not right now. And I stop myself from dating girls who have had kids (with the exception of one, and that line of happiness and worthfulness and all those nessess I probably need but didn't have at the time I dated her (or faux-dated her like the idiot I am) I'm not going to get into because it's personal and long-winded). But nothing stops me from thinking, in my head, "I know we're good friends and all, but I really wanna fuck you," and then I feel disgusted with myself and scold myself for being a prickhead to the female of my species. Why am I telling this potential girl this? Why should what I want be a potential baby-maker to her, especially when I don't feel qualified enough to stick around to care for it, and especially don't want any to begin with? Which leads me to question the same about no-dependents girls, and then why would they even want to do the same? Hell, she could reject me flat-out, and leave me feeling like a fool, and then the friendship would be all awkward and fizzle out. And then I think that sex in general has fizzled out three friendships I can think of so far, with one staying permanent and two eventually resolving but not being as strong as they once were. Which makes me just hate myself for letting the friendships fail, and wishing he could have those friends back as strong as they were. I'm gonna stop there because it just keeps spiraling down from there.
It's really bad here now because I've been without it for so long, and I do believe that a healthy sex life makes for a healthy human. And then two of my neighbors are fucking hot, and both of them have kids, and I'm just being a complete pig for having those thoughts about them, without even taking into account how they might feel about it. So logically, I'm a disgusting human being, lower than a pile of shit.
Clearly I am a fool.
---
I was a bit under the influence last night, and I was thinking; Just why is it that I consider myself to be a no good, worthless, listless pile of shit? Then I realize, it's because of a series of complex thoughts, morals, and processes working against me. For instance, I don't really want kids. At least, not right now. And I stop myself from dating girls who have had kids (with the exception of one, and that line of happiness and worthfulness and all those nessess I probably need but didn't have at the time I dated her (or faux-dated her like the idiot I am) I'm not going to get into because it's personal and long-winded). But nothing stops me from thinking, in my head, "I know we're good friends and all, but I really wanna fuck you," and then I feel disgusted with myself and scold myself for being a prickhead to the female of my species. Why am I telling this potential girl this? Why should what I want be a potential baby-maker to her, especially when I don't feel qualified enough to stick around to care for it, and especially don't want any to begin with? Which leads me to question the same about no-dependents girls, and then why would they even want to do the same? Hell, she could reject me flat-out, and leave me feeling like a fool, and then the friendship would be all awkward and fizzle out. And then I think that sex in general has fizzled out three friendships I can think of so far, with one staying permanent and two eventually resolving but not being as strong as they once were. Which makes me just hate myself for letting the friendships fail, and wishing he could have those friends back as strong as they were. I'm gonna stop there because it just keeps spiraling down from there.
It's really bad here now because I've been without it for so long, and I do believe that a healthy sex life makes for a healthy human. And then two of my neighbors are fucking hot, and both of them have kids, and I'm just being a complete pig for having those thoughts about them, without even taking into account how they might feel about it. So logically, I'm a disgusting human being, lower than a pile of shit.
Clearly I am a fool.
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